


Confusion

by Niwoomin



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, confusion is like everything happens in this chapter, i started writing this at 4am, im suffering but its all good, phew i cant believe im writing this impulsively
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-06-29 08:34:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15725793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niwoomin/pseuds/Niwoomin
Summary: "And that, that was what Dongmin was mad after. Not the fact that they were hiding from the members, that their true emotions were still deep inside of them; it was the fact that they played like that."Nothing is fine between the two young men. Why did it have to happen like that, why was nothing fine? Both of them didn't know, that was the trick.Dongmin had to find out, why they were fighting so much, why Bin was isolating himself, why life was as chaotic as it could be – but did Bin also want to know?They ended up like idiots, trying to find each other while avoiding the other, finally, they have to catch each other's breath: they have to be together, they need the other.





	1. Irreplaceable

**Author's Note:**

  * For [platinumllamas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/platinumllamas/gifts).



> so i wrote this at 4am,,,,, next chapter is already being written but it's gonna be short,,,,,,  
> thank you for click on it!! i tried my best to check the grammar but as english isn't my first language, i may have left some errors, sorry in advance!

Nothing was fine. It wasn't wrong, it was more than that – woe before any other emotions.

 

“Uh, Sanha ? Where is Bin right now ?

\- Oh, he's outside. He said he would be downtown until this night.

\- What time is it right now ?

\- 3pm, but didn't he tell you where he was going ? He told me that in the morning...”

 

Dongmin shook his head negatively, things had been extremely awkward and harsh between the two of them recently. No one knew, except for Minhyuk of course, not Jinwoo, but Minhyuk, because he had surprised Bin and Dongmin fighting violently at the dorm a day ago. Bin had decided to tell him a little bit of the story, just so that the dancer could understand the fight, but that was it.

No more explanations, why would they bother explain their situation, that's as heinous, spiteful as it can be. Minhyuk had agreed on keeping this silent, because it's just a little fight, don't worry, nothing bad will happen.

 

Sanha left the room, he and his elder were training a little at their agency, getting some air after exercising a bit, what was in his habits, so that's when Dongmin decided to head out too, because after all, he had to see Bin. They hadn't talked since yesterday, and Dongmin wanted to clear things out. They were more and more hateful towards each other, in private, in front of the other members, it was something else : acting cute and all, as if they were puppies that kept bothering the other to play. And that, that was what Dongmin was mad after. Not the fact that they were hiding from the members, that their true emotions were still deep inside of them; it was the fact that they played _like that_.

The eldest turned around and walked out of the building. Jinwoo, Myungjun and Minhyuk were invited at a special event, that Bin had refused to go to, and him and Sanha were the only ones left to practice or talk together. Not that idols weren't allowed to have some time alone, Dongmin had actually offered the youngest to train together, because he wanted to clear his mind, no other activity was able to do so in this moment. Still, he left abruptly, sent a concise text: “I'm sorry, I have stuff to take care of, see you tomorrow” and that was that. Sanha, of course, took it well, he didn't suspect anything.

 

Autumn had just begun but the streets in Seoul were already covered in golden and scarlet leaves – Bin's favourite season, because he could play around like he was a child again, and Dongmin had seen him do it once. That one time, the soft smile he wore all day, uncapable of being sad, because Bin was the happiest. That's why, now, seeing those leaves, with no one around, the young actor felt incorrect, yes, that was what felt wrong today. No one was around to play there, he felt lonelier than he had ever imagined – because Bin was petty and went by himself in town, and Dongmin didn't know what he was doing. _Why wouldn't he tell me that, we fought, that's true, but still, you have to at least tell your hyungs, or me, I'm your hyung too, you should've told me. Now I have to search for you, and I may have an idea of where you are._

 

He spent an hour, more wandering than anything, he had his mask and a beanie covered his hair entirely, and glasses too, so that no one would recognize him. Sometimes, a fan would approach but he would lie, he has no time or maybe too much. No time, no time, _I have to see Bin, but I have all the time to decide on what will I say too him. It's already noon, will I ever find him before he goes back to the dorm?_ Dongmin started to walk faster, no taxis and no bus, he liked being outside and he wasn't tired, he was walking a lot but that way he knew he would get to see more and more of the city.

 

Calling Bin: “Hey Bini, I was-” “The person you are trying to reach is not available for the moment.” It was safer to not call him too much, because he had either blocked him or left his phone turned off. The latter was never true, he was deliberately trying to ignore him, Bin liked too much doing a lot of things at the same time and this included posting pictures or playing games even when he was doing something previously.

 

Unless he danced. Dongmin liked to see Bin dance. But these past few weeks, he was mixed about it. Because Bin danced harshly, he put way too much energy into this, that's way far more than what's necessary and it's only contributing to make him tired and it's useless, but the look he has in his eyes, _I will show you_ , that's what Dongmin loved the most. Except that he knew Bin was overworking in order to avoid the more coming to the dorm, because his roommate and him were terribly stubborn and obsessed with having disputes over whatever would be a good excuse to start an argument, and that's something the actor hated too.

 

He walked a little more, stopped by the first bar, entered, came out as soon as he knew that Bin wasn't in there. Repeat, two more bars, maybe in the library, he likes to read manhwas, but no, so repeat, five more bars, incoming call from Jinwoo.

 

“Heyyyy where are you right now?

\- I, uh, I'm busy, why?

\- Oh it's nothing, I just wanted to know. I'm not worried. I'm not at the event anymore.

\- Why did you call then? Did someone... Nevermind, I got it.

\- Sorry.

\- It's okay, it's not your fault.”

 

So Bin too wanted to know where he was, but that was weirder and weirder everytime he thought of that. Wasn't he trying to avoid him? Why would he ask Jinwoo? Why did he have that feeling that Bin was starting to get drunk and once more, they would fight?

Thanks to his leader, who was contacted by Bin, Dongmin was able to know the bar which he stayed at: they came here once or twice maybe, it's not a huge bar but they liked the atmosphere in there. The young man stopped before entering, his mind full of forever unanswered questions, forever if he never went in there, but he was more curious than ever and stepped down the stairs calmly. Why would Bin ignore him and then search for him, either he was drunk or really insecure about what to do, and Dongmin didn't like that, he had to clear things out, not complicate them. He called his favourite dancer's name, searching for him by looking everywhere he could.

 

“Bin! Bin!

\- Who the...”

 

Bin saw him coming from behind, as if he was wasted already, he was half-lying on the table, moving his head so that he could see his hyung walking towards him. He turned his face the other way, _nope, not dealing with that, I don't want to_ , but Dongmin was already next to him and had put a hand on his shoulder.

 

“Bin, let's go back, you're drunk and I don't know how much time you spent in there.

\- I'm not drunk, he said while pouring another glass of soju, that he offered to Dongmin – who refused it.

\- You are, don't act like a child.

\- You're the child, you were looking for me as if I was your mom, I'm not your mom, tell the others...

\- Stop fucking around and come with me, would you?”

 

Maybe the tone of his voice was colder, in a mean way, or maybe these words were too much for Bin, because he stood straight up and gazed up at his elder, fierce or maybe mad, a mix of both, but anger was all Dongmin could hear in his way to speak.

 

“Why would I? You're the one who's been fucking around, not me! You're fucking up all the things I do, I get blamed for nothing, you just don't care about me and you're selfish!

\- I don't care about you? That's what you think?”

 

Their dispute was starting to get attention from all the bar, and unless they wanted to make a scene in front of everyone and have unwanted pictures of them in the media, it was safer for them to be outside. Dongmin knew that, so he ran to pay whatever Bin ordered, then forcibly took Bin out by dragging him with all his strength. _I don't... wanna... go out_ , he struggled to say while Dongmin stayed quiet. Until they were outside, Dongmin didn't look at his younger member, he only frowned, looking right in front of him, and found a street in which they could try to hide. He let Bin go at this moment, there, almost letting him fall on the ground, since he had stopped trying to shake his arm off Dongmin's grasp. Immediately, he approached his elder, closer than he thought, and didn't bother wasting anytime in pointless words:

 

“Why are you always coming at me? Fuck, I don't know why you're like that, what the fuck do you think I think about?

\- I don't know, and I don't care, you're drunk and we're not having that kind of conversation right now, it's only six and it's already dark, see?

\- Fuck off, you're not my mom. Answer me.”

 

Dongmin didn't answer, because all of the worries he had while searching for Bin had vanished – now, he was annoying, loud as possible, and that wasn't what he searched for, he wanted to have a genuine talk with his younger member and that was not happening at all.

 

“I'm not, but I won't tell you whatever you wanna hear until we're back at the dorm.

\- I don't like you!”

 

Dongmin stepped back, taken aback, _how did he know, when did I tell him, I didn't,_ his face almost froze in sorrow, _why would he,_ he couldn't even answer that.

 

But while he couldn't move, or say anything, Bin ran past him, at least he tried to. Dongmin's reflexes were sharp enough to hold Bin another time by the arm, containing all the fury Bin felt, his grasp was stronger than anything despite his mind being blank. His eyes were staring at the ground, as if there was someone in front of him, someone close to him, that wanted to go away, but he couldn't afford that, _not him_.

 

“What...

\- I don't wanna like you. Fuck you.”

 

Bin didn't even wait for his eldest to speak, he pouted as tears started to form at the corner of his eyes,  _god why am I cracking up now, it's his fault, I hate him so much, why, he doesn't even love me_ . He stared at Dongmin for what seemed five years, five  years of knowing him, but it was only five seconds, of pure rage and sadness.

 

“You don't even care about me, Dongmin. You couldn't know about me, but I swear, I'm not drunk, and you're just... you're just... you're just egoistic as always, no, that's not it, you never were, but you are now, don't you have to take care of someone right now?? I'm right here in front of you, I'm drunk, why don't you fucking take me home, I don't like you at all!”

 

And Bin left without any words, as controversial as his words were, that was enough to keep Dongmin standing on the same place, because he didn't know what to do in that situation, did he have to take him home, did he have to let him do whatever the fuck he wanted, but he's drunk, I'll call someone, I have to take care of him, but Dongmin never got around to do that on that day.

His mind was blurred, he didn't have any thoughts – or so much that he unconsciously erased them all, a headache was already appearing as he walked in silence, a foot, then another, then another, then another, and that was it for ten minutes, he didn't even know where he was going, _just walk it off_ , then a call.

 

“Dongmin? Where are you? Bin told me--

\- He told you what?”

 

The young actor was suddenly worried. But he heard something like a scratch, coming from his phone, and the call ended right after that. Jinwoo? Jinwoo what happened? Did Bin end the conversation?

Dongmin tried to call him back, several times, it was only six but he knew he had to come back to the dorm soon. Plus he had little to no idea where he was, he didn't know Seoul that much apparently and the buildings had an ominous presence, as if they were going to stomp over him, he looked so tiny, not knowing what to do anymore, lost, in a city, without the man he came to seek, _nothing is fine._


	2. Charm

Bin didn't know where he was, either. _Like hell, how did I end up here_. He ran away from Dongmin, as much as he could, he even had forgotten to hide his face but he was only running, running away, away and away from that man, because that's what a half-drunk Bin would do anyways. So he ended up on a street, he tried to hide his mouth and his nose in the hoodie he was wearing, and ask for the direction of his agency, and someone answered him gently. They looked down at Bin, though, as if he wasn't dressed up enough, Bin didn't really care about his casual style but he let out a muffled “Well I'm not as stylish as Dongmin, but that's my problem” and the person uncomfortably left, making Bin feel worse for talking back.

He eventually came back to the agency, their dorm wasn't much away now, and he sighed right in front of it. He was more confused than ever. What did he even say to Dongmin before? He had forgotten, but it was bitter, cruel maybe, but that wasn't his fault. This time, it wasn't his fault. It wasn't him, the first time it was him, when Bin told his favourite singer that he was in love with someone, _or maybe it's just a crush, I don't know_ , that time, it was Bin's fault. He kept on saying things about that soon-to-be-lover, that Dongmin didn't even know, but it must've been irritating enough for him to throw a fit over that. Plus, his “soon-to-be-lover” never even showed up to their first date, and that was when Bin complained about that, that Dongmin had decided he had enough, and cut all talking with him, that's true, _I'm flying solo since that day_ , hopefully Myungjun had listened to him rambling about his broken heart. After that, nothing happened between the two young men, and Minhyuk had been the only one noticing their fights, not Jinwoo, Jinwoo knew they fought for nothing before.

But this time, it wasn't his fault, it was Cha Eunwoo's fault, the actor, the model, the idol, the singer, the visual, the good-looking one that everyone fell in love with, because he's caring, sweet, important, salty when it's funny, timid, desirable. Lee Dongmin was the same person, but everytime Bin talked about something he considered a big matter – which was his love problems – then Eunwoo would be there, never Dongmin, that wasn't the same smile.

Bin finally entered, and met Jinwoo in the building, who asked him so much questions at once – he barely answered the last one. The leader immediately reached for his phone and tried to call Dongmin, only to be interrupted by Bin who almost smacked the phone down, leaving Jinwoo half-yelling and half-complaining, but he didn't care, no, he just wanted to sleep, sleep it away, because he knew that whenever he slept he couldn't wake up until a lot of hours, it was barely seven but he was already so tired from everything that happened.

He still made the effort to take a shower, since he hated feeling like he was wasted, and the cold water was the best way to wake him up a little, he wasn't feeling the best either but that's what could maybe calm him a little. He stepped out of it, let out a loud sigh, and didn't bother explaining whatever was happening to the other members – though Minhyuk wasn't there yet, apparently he went to dance, and whatever, it's not the time but Bin wanted to do that too, dance, dance as he wishes and dance without any other thought. He hesitated for five full minutes, decided that if he wanted to avoid Dongmin, sleeping was the best, his mind was still foggy, _whatever, what fucking ever_ , and he almost fell on his bed, checking his phone a last time, six and fifty eight minutes, and he let his whole body rest, closing his eyes.

He opened them again. Checked his phone, six and fifty nine minutes. Seven now. He turned around the other way, that way he's not going to be facing his roommate if he ever comes back, but he hoped that he wouldn't come back, not now, _I don't care anymore_ , but he still cared, but his head was too fuzzy to even try to evaluate the situation.

Re-checked his phone, seven and two minutes, re-checks, seven and three minutes, re-checks, five minutes, then the phone is thrown across the room, ending on Dongmin's bed. Bin got up grumpily, he could walk straight but he would rather stay in bed than go search for his phone, and he was too tired to even think about staying up. He fell again, but on his roommate's bed, the phone is near him and he had enough strength to check it again, and a notification popped up, it was a new message. “Dancing Machine: Dongmin said he was drunk and went to an hotel, I'll wake you up tomorrow.”

Everything was fine, _then I can relax, he's not going to be here,_ so Bin curled up into a better position, tried to sleep the best he could, but nothing came. Even after he stopped trying to fall asleep, and started to try to think about everything and anything, really, he couldn't dive deep into Morpheus' arms, he was still half-drunk and his headache was lessened by the cold shower but still there.  
He didn't care about Dongmin anymore, at least that was what he tried to persuade himself with, but he knew that his mind – and also his heart, his heart that went crazy whenever he was around – wouldn't stop thinking about him. But he's not going to see him until tomorrow, _why bother thinking about someone who isn't going to be troublesome anymore_ , at least for a certain amount of time.  
The young dancer heard the door opening, _who the fuck is there_ , he turned around as much as he could and couldn't see much, it was still dark but it was someone tall.

“Sanha, go back to your room, we'll talk later, I have an headache and I'm tired since Dongmin and I-  
\- Since we what?”

Bin stood up in his bed – well not his – and squinted his eyes to see better, which wasn't really working but the voice he heard was the same exact one that had previously searched for him in a bar. He almost let out a little scream, but he was still tired and processing the information that Dongmin himself was in his the room, _I thought he was at an hotel, did Minhyuk lie to me, where's my phone_ , but Dongmin was walking towards him, Bin saw something shining near his eyes, what was happening? The younger one didn't make a move, as fatigue was taking over him, but Dongmin stopped right in front of him.

“Bin, Bin I just...”

He didn't even end his sentence, because he didn't have anything to say maybe, trailing off that sentence was even more cruel for Bin, “talk or don't talk but leave me alone” was maybe his way of thinking. Bin tried to ignore him, but his eyes were still gazing at his crush, the only one he loved, the fact that his gaze was locked on him was a bad sign – _I wanted to give up on him_ – but Dongmin didn't move either, no words were exchanged and they couldn't tell what the other was thinking about. It was dark, so dark, but the shine on Dongmin's face, that, Bin noticed, and he knew what happened for the older one.  
Bin let a few seconds pass, intense seconds, maybe ten, in which he tried his best to look neutral, but his talking made him look angrier than before, as he grumbled, with the deepest voice he could take:

“Shut up. You're not even supposed to be there, leave me alone.  
\- This is our chamber, besides, I need to talk to you.  
\- Talk about what?”

He snapped, not leaving time for Dongmin to answer.

“You already know about what I feel for you, don't fucking make fun of me, I know you don't love me.  
\- You're still drunk...”

Dongmin sighed, heavily sighed, when would be the last time he'd have to do this, he hated seeing Bin like that, wasted, damaged, far too damaged, he only wished for one thing at this very moment – lips against lips, that's all he wanted, make him feel better, make him feel like he'd be missed.

“Stand back now, go away, I don't wanna like you anymore, fuck.”

Tears again, tears and tears that flowed, the alcohol almost completely took over, he looked like what he'd call an ugly mess: tears, being red, sobbing, pathetic, in front of the man he loved the most, he had completely lost it, not being able to control himself, refrain himself from letting his feelings out, and worst of all, he couldn't talk, not a single word to tell Dongmin, even just “go away”, no, he was too tired for anything.  
He didn't even took matter of the fact that Dongmin's arms were enfolding him, hugging him tight, his head rested on his shoulder, not saying any word, calm as usual, or so Bin thought, because Dongmin couldn't stand seeing him like that, he was filled with frustration; it was worse than the image he put up in front of the other members, but now Dongmin knew why he acted like that.  
“Don't be heartbroken, be happy, don't lose that cheerful image you have”, what was Bin thinking about during all these times when they fought, for stupid things.

Bin tried to push away the actor, _no, no, you don't fucking love me, I just want to sleep, please_ , but he was begging for comfort at the same time, one hand making sure Dongmin was still close to him, the other trying to install distance between the two of them. Dongmin held both of Bin's hands, making him stop resisting a little, and he waited like that, the embrace making him feel sleepy, his younger member was kind enough to let him wait, speechless, his weeping finally calming down, and he took longer breaths, let himself rest in his crush's grasp.

“I'm so weak..., he finally whispered, his voice broken, tired, but still there. I never wanted to talk to you again... Why don't you love me... Why, why am I like that, fuck...”

Dongmin let a few seconds pass, enough for him to have a proper answer. Enough to have strength to murmur, without any doubt, without any hesitation shattering his heart.

“But I love you, Bin.”

Silence, silence, the dancer doesn't move.

“You... what?  
\- I truly do. I love you, Bin.”

He pushed Dongmin soflty away from him – so that he could see his face, if he was lying or not, if it's the alcohol, the exhaustion, what's that feeling, but Dongmin looked calm, he was looking at him with a faint smile, he was honest.  
Bin tried to talk, but he couldn't, he had so much words to say, questions, feelings, memories that his heart lived through, and now, it looked like he was in a dream, he still smelled like beer and soju, and Dongmin just confessed to him. Before he realised it, the dancer was crying, again, but he couldnt't put a word on why he's crying. Too much emotions at once, that's what was shaking his mind, and before he even opened his mouth to talk, his elder continued talking, voice cracking at times, hesitating, but not crying.

“Bin, it's been a while, I don't really remember since when, but I love you. When you told me about that crush you had, I don't even remember who, I got so mad, jealous, I- I just hated when you talked about him all night, and I tried to distance myself from you, and you fought back, but I still love you, I love you so much.”

Through his sobbing, Bin struggled to talk, articulating his words the best he could.

“You... you love me?  
\- Hm hmm, I do.  
\- But... But I thought-  
\- I really love you, Bini, and tonight, I was so worried, and you're still drunk but I really wanted to tell you, but ever since you told me about your crush, I was, I mean, I was so desperate that the only thing I did was leaving you alone, but I had a feeling you weren't doing great either today, so I went searching for you and...  
\- Bini? You called me Bini?  
\- Uh...  
\- I find it... cute. And you found me, it's all fine, Dongmin, Dongmin do you know what this means?”

Dongmin had already his mind settled on how he's going to react to Bin turning him down: no crying, because Bin has already moved on after all, isn't that what he said, that he didn't want to love him, so he tried his best, having the Cha Eunwoo smile, he has accepted it since a long time ago – the night never seemed longer, it's barely seven but the dark has surrounded him and his younger member, and Bin has his mind settled too.  
Nothing was fine, _before_.

“Dongmin, I love you too.”

His eyes opened wide, _did I hear right, did I really hear this, is it my imagination, maybe I'm the drunk one_ , but Bin has the strongest gaze Dongmin has ever seen: determination, passion, honesty, sleepiness too, because Bin is tired, but instead of only confessing and then acting like nothing was done, he pulled Dongmin into a soft kiss on the lips, so soft that it lasted less than two seconds, but it was enough for Bin to smile widely.

“I... I thought you were over me, that, that you-  
\- You're fucking stupid, you know that?”

Bin whispered, his headache was still here but he made his best to not think about it, his tears came back and his voice broke a little more, always with the fondest look upon Dongmin.  
It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this.

“We're both idiots, I thought you hated me after I talked about that boy I thought I loved, and you thought I was over you, but you know you can't trust me when I'm drunk.  
\- Are you saying... you're lying right now?  
\- Shut up, you minion.  
\- Bini, please.  
\- Shut up, I'm in love with you! You know that, fuck, you know I can't stop thinking about you all day, all night, Dongmin I can't stop thinking about you all day and when we fought for nothing, that was, that was the worst, but now you're here and I'm so fucking sorry, I-  
\- You swear way too much, love.”

_Love?_ Bin blushed, he was red, the alcohol didn't help, but he was even more red than two minutes ago.

“Don't apologise, we've been both terrible at even, interacting, talking to each other. I was an idiot, to be jealous over your crush. I don't even remember his name, I was so mad.  
\- Why do you still care? I may be wasted a little but I know that it's time to be over this, the both of us, to-together.... no?”

His voice hesitating at the end, because it still seemed like a dream, like something that could only happen in the deepest of his reveries, but it's real. Dongmin didn't answer, and sat next to the dancer, on his own bed, he just noticed it – why did he come on this bed? It didn't matter now anyway – and put his elbows on his knees, one of his hands rubbing his neck, the other one on the mattress, he let out a profound sigh, then stared intensely at Bin, sitting straight on the bed.  
Talking in this moment was something the young actor couldn't imagine. He wanted to look at the man who he was in love with since so much months, thinking about how it all came down this.  
After a few moments, in which neither of the two young men talked, Dongmin took Bin's hand, which was resting on his leg, and pulled it closer to him.

In a heartbeat, Dongmin's lips met Bin's, closing their eyes both, startled by what they were doing both, taking the time to feel the other's warmth through a kiss, both. Both kept on kissing, for seconds that tasted like the comfort of a couch and a plaid on a rainy evening, almost hearing the leaves falling outside, sweet seconds of purity, the both of them thinking about the other, and went a time for the attraction to end.  
Bin opened his eyes, feeling calm, strangely calm, because his heart was beating fast and only one thing was on his mind, Dongmin; _I want to taste that pleasure again_. His face was still close to the one of his lover, were they lovers now, _I should ask him_ , but the thought of a moment of peace and sheer happiness was enough for him to wait a few more seconds before whispering in a smooth, deep voice, the question he was waiting to ask.

“Are we... together, now?  
\- I love you and you love me, Bini. We've been idiots for so many months... Do you want to be an idiot again?  
\- I can be your idiot, Min.”

A little laugh from Dongmin, before he started to speak again, murmuring as always - even if they were in their own room, their intimacy was the one thing they both wanted to keep, despite not telling the other, they wanted to be just the two of them, if they were to be interrupted, no, they won't be, no one knew Dongmin was here too yet.  
“We've been through a lot recently... and I'm sure you're tired. I love you, you're my favourite idiot. Get some sleep, I, I can be around if you want, but you look more than tired.  
\- At this point... I don't want to leave you anymore. Stay by my side, when I sleep, when I dance, whenever I do something and we're both free, I'm convinced this is a weird dream, that you're not in  
love with me, so I want to enjoy that dream as much as I can.”

Dongmin frowned, looking a bit disappointed, his words were true just as his feelings, why would Bin doubt him?

“Hey, not trusting me already? I know our fights were sometimes, well... We'd get carried away a lot... But Bini, Moon Bin, I'm in love with you and I can promise you, that, that I love you.  
\- I'm tired, let me process the fact that I have... a boyfriend. You. You're my boyfriend.”

Bin's words were softly put into sound, as he answered his lover – _Dongmin's my lover, I am dating Dongmin, fuck, it's true, I'm in a relationship with him now, we're a couple, I love him_ – and he pulled the actor into a warm hug, putting him on the bed, so that they could sleep together.  
Nothing more this night, rest, rest only, after the chaos they had been through during several months, and the two young men knew they had to take time for themselves.  
Bin was quick to fall asleep, since he had the habit of sleeping quickly after drinking a lot, and that had happened way too much over the course of the past few months; Dongmin didn't know about it but Bin had been drinking from time to time, but more than usually. He swore to himself to not do that again, looking a last time to the actor before finally sleeping, his mind was put at easy, and before he dived down in the night, he felt Dongmin's embrace from behind, and a kiss on his cheek, making him feel secure and comforted.

Dongmin smiled, his now boyfriend was laying on the bed and asleep, he always looked so peaceful whenever he slept. It reminded the singer about all these times, where he got up way before Bin, but they didn't talk to each other, and Dongmin couldn't wake him up, because the first time he tried to, Bin had dissed him off; and the other times, Dongmin would just stare sadly at his roommate, reminding himself to not kiss him on the forehead or it'd be really weird. These times were really blank, bland, empty times that the two young idols hated and wanted to forget – but they would have time to talk about it together after. The elder moved a bit in the bed, so that he could spoon Bin, hugging him from behind, and it didn't take long before his eyes started to get red, it was their turn, but this time it didn't look like an ugly crying, it was more of letting his feelings out.  
His love for Bin had only been growing since they first meeting, and now, now, finally, he could share his love fully, he could kiss him, hold his hand, tease him, be with him, hang out with him – he could do anything to make him happy. This was his wish, for the future, but he was tired too from all the events of the evening, _who cares about the others, if they find us in the morning, I'm with Bin and it's all that matters_. He kissed Bin's cheek, lightly, closed his eyes, before whispering words that would be forever unheard.

“I'll forever be fond of your looks, your personality, your everything. I used to think that you hated me, that you were over me since a long time and that I'd never, ever, get to proudly call you my love. You're someone very special to me. The most important. Good night, Bini. I love you.”

Or that he would think. Bin's heart did flutter, and they both comfortably stayed in the position they were in, thinking about the other before sleep came, as they both thought together the same thing.

_Everything was fine._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you a lot for reading this!! i'm kinda proud of it,,,, it's not much and i made yall wait for 3 weeks but i'm glad i get to finally post it!! i hope you liked it and if you want to leave a comment or give kudos that'll be gladly appreciated uwu  
> i'll update with a little surprise soon~ thank you again for reading everything, it means a lot to me!


	3. Rainbow Falling

Bin woke up, his eyelids felt a bit heavy, he knew he had been drinking the night before – that was something he had learnt a short time ago. He tried to stretch a bit, after fully realising where we has, but something felt off. It really was his room, but not the view he had the habit to see when waking up... He suddenly got conscious that an arm was hugging him tight, from behind, and Bin turned around, half in surprise and half in fear of discovering who was next to him, only to see Dongmin. He looked angelic, almost as if he just got there, he was sleeping and seemed unbothered by the mess Bin had created when turning around. Bin stared at Dongmin for a full minute, his eyes interrogating the actor, _why are you so beautiful_ , and it was only after that time that he tilted.

Why was Dongmin in his bed? What had happened last night? Bin searched in his memories, frowning when he couldn't remember where did he go the previous night. He took a minute to figure things out, _oh right I got drunk, because I was tired of being treated like a fool, and then I saw Dongmin, and then I went home and then he_ – Bin gasped in sudden realization, _fuck, I confessed to him,_ and his eyes opened wide, still looking at his elder, his – _wait what? my boyfriend?_

He put the arm over him away, freeing himself of Dongmin's embrace, but maybe he did it in a precipitated way, or even the fact that there was only one person left in the bed made the actor moan a little, and Bin froze when he realised that it meant his boyfriend – if he recalled right, _please don't make it a dream_ – was waking up. He didn't move, even when Dongmin looked at him, he looked naturally charming and lovely face but seeing him from so close, in the morning, waking up besides him made Bin's heart flutter as Dongmin spoke up, his low voice was the best thing to wake up to.

“Good morning love, did you sleep well? Does your head hurt?”

Bin frowned, that reminded him that he drank alcohol the night before and hopefully he didn't drink too much, but he still didn't like to do it. He eventually smiled widely, whatever he had done yesterday was over now and he could be himself, he could be happy – happy with him.

“I'm okay Min, I'm all okay thanks to you.

\- Bini, I have a question.”

The dancer didn't move for a second, a wave of stress getting him, he almost froze but Dongmin was too quick to let him think about that sentence. It could be so much questions, after all.

“Why, why in the past few months... were you so, I would say, distant? We went through a lot, together, within or without the group. And I know I was the one to first ignore you but you didn't... I mean, you didn't go after me.

\- Ah... I was...”

Interrogation could be found in Dongmin's gaze, it was their first interaction of the day – and still early morning, a record for Bin who slept usually late – so he could've asked it later, but he wanted to know. Bin didn't answer for a few seconds, in which tension made its appearance, in the actor's mind, his body, his everything, because that dangerous question would mean a lot if it wasn't answered the way he wanted it to be.

“You were cold with me... And I hated that. So much that I tried to see you the less I could, which, you know, wasn't easy but I think at the same time I started thinking about you. At first I thought it was because I was annoyed and wanted to tell you that but... It turned out to be something else.

\- The colder you were with me, Bini, the more I couldn't stand being in the same room as you. We even tried to change chambers, do you remember?

\- Yeah, Myungjun told us enough times to get away from his room that I can hear it in his exact voice tone.”

A little laugh, because that memory was done, set in the past, today was another day and Dongmin knew that it was a ridiculous thought – _who would want to change roommates when Bin_ _is_ _there?_ He pulled his boyfriend into a hug, barely leaving him place to breathe, but feeling the other next to him was something important for Dongmin. He wasn't much a fan of contact but even the thought of being close to Bin was enough to make him want it; without that, _without that I'd feel alone._

Bin on the other hand couldn't ask for a better situation. He felt warm in Dongmin's embrace, as they slept together like that, as they spent the night together, and he felt apologetic about what happened the previous day, which by the way he didn't remember much?

“Min?

\- Yes?

\- What did I say exactly yesterday? When I went to the bar, I knew I didn't want to see you but...

\- You straight up told me you didn't want to like me.”

No lies, if lies were to already exist within their couple – that would be the end of it.

“Pfft, I was wrong. Loving you... Loving you feels nicer, actually. Nicer than I thought after all these months.

\- How did you even know I was in love with you?

\- You told me, remember? You kissed me-”

He stopped mid-sentence, realising that _it really happened, oh no, we really kissed, am I an awkward kisser,_ but Dongmin simply smiled and shook that thought away. In any case, Bin wasn't an awkward kisser nothing would be more opposite – the way their lips touched and Bin softly went in for the kiss, the way they both couldn't care less about the rest, the way Bin looked at him after they had finished, that wasn't being an awkward kisser for Dongmin.

“No, I meant, when we got out of the bar.

\- Did I say you loved me? I had no idea you did until you got back here...

\- What's...”

The elder suddenly took the fact in consideration; the fact that during this whole time, he thought Bin knew that he loved him. Dongmin laughed, nervously at first, but then out loud, not able to contain the laughter he had facing the situation: he worried even more while his now-boyfriend didn't even say anything about that. Bin was confused for a good minute, getting away a little – only a little, so that his lover could see love him – and questioning him mentally about what was happening. Dongmin stopped laughing after a moment, then looked at Bin with the fondest gaze he had ever seen. The dancer pouted a little, he couldn't determine what went through his boyfriend's head.

“Did I say something weird? You can tell me already...

\- I'm sorry Bini. I'm just stupid, it's nothing.

\- You're not! And who would be the idiot here, between me who even told you about my old crush...

\- You're- Ah, it's too early to be fighting. Let's both just say we're cute together now?”

The two young men laughed before kissing, smooching a little, yes, they were a couple now.

“Min, do you have an idea... of when you want to tell it to the group?”

Bin's question somehow wasn't much, but Dongmin quickly sighed after hearing it. _When do I want to say that I am dating Moon Bin, the main vocalist and dancer of ASTRO, that he's my boyfriend, to the group?_ The answer was “now” at first, because Dongmin wanted to show off his lover – _look at him, I'm proud of him and we're together for a long time, I know that_ – and because he kept his feelings hidden too many months, during which he had to play that role, the role of someone heartless, not caring for Bin, and now that it was over, he could proudly say that he loved him. But Dongmin had learnt that showing off wasn't always a good thing, and if Bin wasn't comfortable with saying it to the other members, then they would keep it for them.

“We can wait a little, see how things will go. Nothing bad will happen, but... I'll have to get used to see you every morning when waking up again. I'll have to get used to hugging you when I can, I'll have to get used to you being around me.

\- But don't you fear... the others will suspect us of hiding something? What if we create drama?”

The youngest bit his lip, worrying about the future wasn't something he did a lot, but now that he finally had confessed his love for Dongmin, he didn't want to lose it. At all costs, he had to protect it. His boyfriend sighed, running his hand through the dancer's hair, almost whispering his words.

“I don't want to care about them. I love you and we're together, we deserve to have some time for ourselves. Drama won't happen, I promise it won't. Bini, I missed you so much, it felt like you weren't there sometimes, and now you want me to worry about the others? I care about you more than anything. You're more than my star, Bin, you're my sun, and that's all that matters.

\- Dongmin, I-

\- We've been through so much events... And I don't want to remember them. Only yesterday, and today, let's rest together before talking to the others, ok?

\- Min, I love you too. And right now... I just want to stay in your arms.”

Softly admitting he didn't want to leave him, Bin took a deep breath and his eyes already started getting read, shiny spots appearing on the corners of his eyes.

“I don't want to leave you ever again. I've been away from you while being close to you, we fought for nothing this whole time but here we are now. I don't want the others to find out yet, I just want to spend more time with you. I'm sorry for being rude these past months, that wasn't- I didn't- I was confused, I was- I wanted to be with you but not at the same time, and I-

\- Love, we're hugging. Don't bother about the past, we were idiots but now... we're hugging. You should sleep more, after yesterday, you even got drunk.

\- I love you, Dongmin.

\- I love you too.”

They didn't sleep after that, but Dongmin's embrace pulled Bin closer to him, kissing him another time, cuddling for the rest of the morning – a fresh and warm feeling, an irresistible charm to the warmth of knowing they were loved, and they loved.

_Everything is fine, love._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S OUT FINALLY  
> Ok but thank you a lot for reading this,,,,,, I'm glad I got to write a lot of fluff my soft heart needed it tbh. It's not my first fic but it's definitely the first short one I actually write entirely so i'm quite proud in a way but i know it isn't perfect and i'll work on that to give better content~ This fic means a lot to me so even if it's not the best, i still wanted to write it and post it so i hope you enjoyed reading it!  
> Thanks again a lot!! Ilyall ♥️

**Author's Note:**

> aaaah thank you if you read it!!! i'm kinda glad of myself but it may be confusing to read,,, ty a lot still! don't hesitate to comment/give kudos tho, i'll accept them gladly!


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